I'm back baby!

Oh blog, I write to you everyday in my head, but it just never seems to make it to my fingers.  I have so much to update...  I'm going to start selfishly with myself.  A few weeks ago I had a bit of breakdown at work.  It was just one of those highly emotional days, which I really hate having at work.  First, a bit of history.  The promotional ranks at a university start at Lecturer, then Assistant Professor, on to Associate Professor, and finally Full Professor.  Promotion is based on performance in teaching, research, and service.  I started as an Assistant Professor in 2008, which means I'm eligible to go up for Associate Professor.  I was actually eligible to go up last year, but decided to wait another year to try to build up my portfolio a bit more.  A couple months ago I was told that I may no longer be eligible because I don't yet have my doctoral degree.  When I first heard this, it didn't bother me much as I will have my doctorate in a couple years.  But something set me off that day when I was again told that I might not be eligible.  I was just devastated.  But I wasn't really sure why.  Part of it was just burnout, I think.  I had this false impression that having the kids in daycare full time would open up so much more time for me.  But I feel more overwhelmed than ever.  Mornings are now filled with not only getting myself ready, but getting both kids (I selfishly claim that when Loren often does more of the work) ready and out the door in a timely manner.  Work time is repeatedly overtaken by errands (more on that later -- I'll admit that these are self-inflicted), attempting to work on my classes (done now!), and all-too-often, sick kids.  I'm rarely home before 5:30pm and the evening is consumed with dinner, attempting to tidy up a bit (how does a house get so dirty when we're not even here?), getting ready for the next day, and attempting to find some relaxation time while feeling guilty about every second not doing what the kids want since I haven't seen them all day (and Addie is currently obsessed with riding her bike, which continues to turn into a battle concerning going to neighbor's houses and/or attempting to keep Hayden out of trouble while keeping her from traumatizing herself).  Weekends are filled with get-togethers, more errands, and the never-ending cleaning and homework catch-up.  So yes, burnout was part of it.  But a few days later I was overwhelmed by a feeling of peddling and peddling with no end in sight (or swimming/drowning or any other metaphor you'd like to insert).

• 1.  I've been working towards this promotion since 2007, to find out it may be suspended another 2+ years.  
• 2.  I jumped at the opportunity to attend ICD-10-CM/PCS training in 2009, only to find no one else interested (well some are, but not enough to warrant and sustain all the effort I've put in for training) and then have the deadline pushed back another year (to 2014).   In the meantime, mind you, I have to pay $200/year to keep my training status with AHIMA, which seems unfair since I'll be paying it for 6+ years.
• 3.  I worked on my PhD at U of I for 2 years only to have them withdraw the fee waiver, causing me to switch gears to pursue my EdD at BSU (where I'd be done with classes had I started 2 years ago).  

So my efforts for the last 5 years were feeling a bit futile.  But, enough of my boobing.  I think sometimes we just get in funks.  (let me also note that I acknowledge the hard work I have put in the last 5 years and know that not everything has been a waste -- heck, I accomplished the 2 best things I have and will ever achieve -- 2 beautiful babies!)  But I've had a fabulous week!  :)  I finished my stats class last week and found out Tuesday that I aced my final (44/44)!  Yesterday I took the final for my Learning and Cognition class, only to find out at the last second that we could use our notes (score!) and leaving class with a complimentary conversation with the instructor.  Upon submitting it (and thus ending my semester), I found an email from the Dean telling me that I am indeed still eligible to go up for promotion (woot!).  Then, after I got home I found a letter from BSU telling  me that I've been accepted into the EdD program in Curriculum and Instruction (double woot!).  :)  So after a couple weeks of being a bit withdrawn and bitter at work, I think I'm back baby!  Loren is always reminding me when I get upset about things that "it will all work out".  Why don't I listen more?  :)  Anywho, I want to end on a positive note.  I love my job, I had some personal growth experiences with peers, I felt supported by coworkers, and I'm so proud of my students that stuck out the year with us and are GRADUATING in a week!  I'm thankful for so many wonderful opportunities I've been given with my work and all the amazing people I've met.  Even with all the political junk that goes on, I never forget that I get to help people change their lives and that's why I can't imagine doing anything else.  I am a true nerd at heart and again, although I was devastated at the news about the fee waiver at U of I, I am so much happier with the BSU program.  It's home to me, I love the faculty, and I feel like my passion has again been sparked, inspiring me to try new things in the classroom and remember that there is so much more to education than the tests and grades at the end.  Oh, and have I mentioned I have the two cutest kids in the world to enjoy when I'm not at work or school?  :P  So I'm going to blissfully ignore the insane summer schedule I have coming up (oh, just teaching 3 classes, taking possibly 4 classes, offering a study group, finishing at least 2 manuscripts, attending a week-long convention, and attempting to create 2 brand new courses for the Fall...) and enjoy a weekend of taking 18 4-5yo's to the zoo, seeing our new kitten (more later), celebrating my hairy baby's (Lucas) 9th birthday, and hitting a graduation party and birthday party.  Happy weekend friends.  :)