Miss Mom Guilt

Oh the mom guilt.  Anyone who is a mother knows exactly what I'm talking about.  And, I'm sorry, but those of you who are not mothers, just don't know.  This is one I'll have to exclude you from.  I'm not even quite sure I can include dads in this.  I've been wanting to write a blog on this for awhile, but that darn guilt keeps preventing me from taking the time to do it -- but man it is THICK this week!  I've seriously never felt as guilty as I do now that I'm a mom.  And it's constant!  I actually wasn't sure what it was at first.  For a couple years.  I just always had this guilty feeling, but assumed it was no different than anyone else's.  Then one day my mom nailed it -- she mentioned "mom guilt".  After having kids -- wait, not even after -- as soon as we started even trying, the guilt begins.

You feel guilty you're not doing everything exactly right for the baby.  Every deliciously sugar-y or fatty food brings a pang of guilt that it's not nutritious for the baby.  Every remotely unhealthy habit (or just a lack of a healthy habit) carries a guilty nudge that if you're not the healthiest being possible, what are you doing to your baby?  My first labor was guilt-ridden with the epidural and what effect that had.  Every second I didn't want to hold my baby, that I wanted to sleep or just wanted a minute to myself, brought a little voice telling me there was an ounce of selfishness in that desire.  The joy I felt to return to work was overridden by the guilt of leaving my baby at home and, even worse, of *gasp* being happy about it.  As a mom, it seems you feel guilty every second you're away from your babies, but guilty when you're with them that you're not really spending quality time, or you're not feeding them the absolute best diet, or that they're not learning all the things they should.  Every setback for your child (potty training is a great one for me) is met with the overwhelming guilt that it's all your fault because you did or didn't do something or said or didn't say something.

But let's face it, none of us really know what we're doing.  Everyone has a different theory, different method, different ideas for raising children.  We just do the best we can and hope we don't totally scar them for life.  ;)

Oh, and let's not forget all the other guilt.  It's not just about the kiddos.  There's a new guilt about yourself.  Now anything remotely unhealthy is still a problem, because if something were to happen to you, where does that leave your kids?  If you want to enjoy something faux pas like *gasp* tanning, what kind of example are you setting?  There's the guilt of not spending enough time with your husband, not being attentive enough to your marriage, not being as attractive or fun as you once were.  The guilt of leaving him with the kids so you can enjoy some *gasp* time alone.  The guilt of taking time away from work to be with your family, to tend to sick littles, to enjoy some *gasp* downtime.  The guilt of not spending enough time with friends or other family, of missing engagements because you simply don't have the energy to deal with the little ones, of forgetting special occasions because your brain simply can't hold another thing.

So today, as my babies sit at daycare while I'm here at work, not working, daunted by the concept of how short life truly is, I feel my oh-so-familiar friend Miss Mom Guilt.

To all my mom friends, you are absolutely amazing.  You are the best mother your children could have which automatically makes you the best wife you can be, your true friends will love you no matter how many times you blow them off, and you deserve time to yourself -- guilt-free!

To the dads, the same applies -- it just appears the "dad guilt" isn't quite so powerful (at least from my understanding).  So you go ahead and keep on living guilt free (or let's just say, with a lighter load), because us moms seems automatically equipped to take it.  ;)

Being a parent is a ton of work.  But all parents say it's the best thing ever.  But we can rarely put it into words.  It's so many things, but one perk I realized this morning (it was one of those great parent moments)... It feels pretty darn amazing to be the world to a beautiful miniature person.  When I left Addie at school today I realized that no matter how wonderful her teachers are, no matter the awesome stuff they do, no matter how many friends she makes, she would rather spend her day with me.  And that makes me feel pretty darn special.  ;)  (and yes, I realize this will shortly change and she will do anything to get away from me, but hey, I'm going to enjoy my moment!)