Let me pre-empt this with why I think this posting rubbed me the wrong way (well, part of it). It's not that I think it's wrong -- but we'll get to that later. I had an insecure mom day the other day. Am I the only one that gets those? I took Addie to a birthday party for a schoolmate -- to basically my dream house, where we were welcomed by the butterfly themed party with decorations, costumes for each girl (wings, wand, necklace, and net), fancy themed food, planned activities, and way better toys to play with. Now it's not that I think material things make a good mom -- but there's something to throwing a great party and having a beautiful house that seems to speak of you has a "housewife". But that's really not what bugged me -- maybe just started it. No, it was Addie backtalking me. And again, not just here, but it had been a few instances. Happened again the other night at a neighbor's. She's 3 (almost 4). I can't believe she argues with me already! And I have yet to figure out how to handle it well in public. Then she was rude to another little girl there. And I wonder, how did I raise such a rude kid? Do I talk to her inappropriately? Do I not discipline her enough? Now, she's not that way all the time (really, it's rare -- especially to talk to another kid that way -- it just seems to be a bit more frequent lately). Maybe I just haven't been around kids enough to know if it's more than the next. But anything she does that is "wrong" (believe me, I use that term lightly) instantly triggers me blaming myself. She was also the most "clingy" -- do I coddle her too much? I realize that I have never been so insecure about anything as I am about being a parent. Why is that? Maybe it's because every parenting style is as different as the child. Or maybe because it's the most important job I've ever had. That triggers self-doubt at just about every waking minute. Now add blogs like these to just push those guilt buttons a bit more, because we don't do it to ourselves enough.
So, as a working mom going to school, I love my smartphone! Yes, I have a career. Yes, I have children. Yes, I'm finishing my degree. No, I don't need to give up any of those to do one better. Yes, my life is crazy, I'm constantly stressed, and I don't spend every waking minute with my children. But I love them all, and life is all about experiences. And my smartphone lets me do all of the above. I regularly take days off work to be with the kids -- with my phone in hand to keep tabs on email and any work issues. I keep a task list and regularly take notes on my phone. I capture wonderful moments with my camera and can share these moments with friends and family in an instant. I can stay current on what is happening in my friends' and family's lives when I don't have time to visit or call. I love texting so that I don't have to be distracted on someone else's schedule. I do take advantage of checking my phone in the morning, when my house is quiet and free of distractions. Now, I will say some of the examples in the above blog are a bit extreme -- I don't ignore my kids to play games, spend my time at the zoo on my phone, scoff at a request to push them on a swing, or pass off a chance to say hello or goodbye. If you're going to be a distracted mom -- guess what, you'll do it with or without a phone. Our generation isn't the first to ignore our children. You think "uh-huh" started with cell phones? I also have to address the driving one (talking on the phone in the car) -- at least for little kids like mine. One, Hayden can't hold a conversation. Yes, I can talk to him, but let's face it, that gets old pretty quick (when you can't look at him and use hands). And if you've ever had to understand a toddler, it's a bit challenging to do while driving when you can't look at her directly. So yes, I sometimes use drive time to call people because guess what, it's one of a few times that my kids are usually quiet. I could, instead, call them when I get home and then force a conversation over screams and the incessant "Mom! Mom! Mom!" Again, another reason I love texting. Now, the final point of the above blog is good -- "How to Grasp a Childhood" -- this I'm down with! All of the above. And yes, it does take putting the phone down every now and then -- but it can also take the freedom smartphones give you to be mobile and available to your children at times that might otherwise be unavailable.
Sorry, that was my soapbox for the day. So to my fellow connected moms, it's ok. Make a call even when you're with the kids. Take a second to check your email or Facebook. Occasional adult conversation is allowed. ;)
1 comment:
Jamie you said it very well!!!
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