Almost there! Added sources in this morning (they're in my formal paper, but I'm not adding them to my blog postings) and now I'm just perusing some additional resources to see if I need any final touches.
Blossoming Passion
Even after completing my Master’s, which I never dreamed of doing, I was pushed to continue for my doctorate. But what would I go into? I wouldn’t say the desire to continue was internal – it was pressure at work and the innate desire to take advantage of the fee waiver benefit (I’m a sucker for a bargain). These external forces led the drive for the program I chose. With three degrees from Boise State, it was recommended I look at another institution, but the fee waiver only applied to Idaho public schools, of which there are a limited number that offer graduate programs. I was also slightly limited in choices based on my previous education in health information (in which no doctoral degree exists in the country) and K-12 education (a program that constantly required me to push the boundaries to apply concepts to post-secondary schooling). In addition, I was told that a PhD held more value in academia than an EdD. I settled on a PhD program in adult education. I rushed to complete the GRE when I was three-months pregnant (rushing because I kept avoiding it, unsure in what to study or how) and started taking classes while I awaited my acceptance (or denial).
This program a distance education program, a new undertaking for me. I had taken hybrid courses at the undergraduate level, but didn’t have much experience in entirely online education. At first I liked the freedom, autonomy, and the fact that I had time to process my thoughts before replying in a discussion. It was also nice considering the fact that I had a toddler and baby on the way (or a toddler and newborn once accepted). But I was just missing something. I had lost my passion for school. I enrolled in classes and did the minimum work required to get the A that I wanted (but didn’t truly feel I had earned), but I didn’t really engage with the content, the instructor, or other students. I found the instructors absent and discussions with other students superficial and empty. According to Wolk (2003), “Classrooms and curriculum must be interesting, intellectual, critical, creative, purposeful, communal, and highly relevant…Getting students genuinely interested in what they are doing in school develops good classroom relationships and learning” (p. 40). I met with my advisor regularly, typically coming far more prepared than he ever was and leaving with no better sense of direction. I was thrilled to finally have an in-person seminar class after more than a year in the program, only to find that I still made little to no connection with the faculty (which rotated at each meeting – once a month). The teacher-student relationship is a key component of the classroom, and can help or hinder learning (Wolk, 2003). I was simply going through the motions to get the degree to satisfy the expectations of my faculty position.
One day, in the middle of a family vacation to California, as we were driving to San Francisco (one of my favorite cities), I received news that changed everything. Loren showed me an article describing the discontinuation of the fee waiver program for online classes at my university. Initially, I was devastated. I sobbed the entire way into the city. Poor Loren was blindsided by my overreaction. I was in a program that I didn’t like that I had already invested two years into, and the one thing that kept me going was the fact that it cost me next to nothing. The thought of paying regular tuition for such a disappointing program turned my stomach. Upon my return home from vacation I decided to pursue other options – I looked into Boise State’s EdD program. It is funny now to think of how absolutely devastated I was at the initial news, when it led to one of the best decisions I’ve made in my education. I started classes at Boise State the following semester and was soon accepted into the program. I’m over a year in and I have loved every single class I’ve taken. I am engaged, I am inspired, I am motivated, I am enlightened. I have made personal connections with every one of my faculty and many fellow students. Which begs the question, what is so different? For one, this program is in-person. There is a big push for online education and I absolutely see the benefits in terms of access, but it is so challenging to make meaningful connections online and far too easy to remain disengaged. I have also learned since leaving my previous program that it has been (and possibly continues to be) in a bit of turmoil, with negative external reviews and faculty turnover (and perhaps low morale). When a teacher is discontent in her job, it shows and it reflects in the classroom and on the students. How can one teach passion without demonstrating it? How can one expect engagement when she is not herself engaged? How can one set high expectations when she doesn’t hold the same for herself? In my faculty now I see a love of teaching, of subject material, of learning. I see passion and a desire to be better, to do better, to achieve more. And I see an expectation for the same in students.
This program a distance education program, a new undertaking for me. I had taken hybrid courses at the undergraduate level, but didn’t have much experience in entirely online education. At first I liked the freedom, autonomy, and the fact that I had time to process my thoughts before replying in a discussion. It was also nice considering the fact that I had a toddler and baby on the way (or a toddler and newborn once accepted). But I was just missing something. I had lost my passion for school. I enrolled in classes and did the minimum work required to get the A that I wanted (but didn’t truly feel I had earned), but I didn’t really engage with the content, the instructor, or other students. I found the instructors absent and discussions with other students superficial and empty. According to Wolk (2003), “Classrooms and curriculum must be interesting, intellectual, critical, creative, purposeful, communal, and highly relevant…Getting students genuinely interested in what they are doing in school develops good classroom relationships and learning” (p. 40). I met with my advisor regularly, typically coming far more prepared than he ever was and leaving with no better sense of direction. I was thrilled to finally have an in-person seminar class after more than a year in the program, only to find that I still made little to no connection with the faculty (which rotated at each meeting – once a month). The teacher-student relationship is a key component of the classroom, and can help or hinder learning (Wolk, 2003). I was simply going through the motions to get the degree to satisfy the expectations of my faculty position.
One day, in the middle of a family vacation to California, as we were driving to San Francisco (one of my favorite cities), I received news that changed everything. Loren showed me an article describing the discontinuation of the fee waiver program for online classes at my university. Initially, I was devastated. I sobbed the entire way into the city. Poor Loren was blindsided by my overreaction. I was in a program that I didn’t like that I had already invested two years into, and the one thing that kept me going was the fact that it cost me next to nothing. The thought of paying regular tuition for such a disappointing program turned my stomach. Upon my return home from vacation I decided to pursue other options – I looked into Boise State’s EdD program. It is funny now to think of how absolutely devastated I was at the initial news, when it led to one of the best decisions I’ve made in my education. I started classes at Boise State the following semester and was soon accepted into the program. I’m over a year in and I have loved every single class I’ve taken. I am engaged, I am inspired, I am motivated, I am enlightened. I have made personal connections with every one of my faculty and many fellow students. Which begs the question, what is so different? For one, this program is in-person. There is a big push for online education and I absolutely see the benefits in terms of access, but it is so challenging to make meaningful connections online and far too easy to remain disengaged. I have also learned since leaving my previous program that it has been (and possibly continues to be) in a bit of turmoil, with negative external reviews and faculty turnover (and perhaps low morale). When a teacher is discontent in her job, it shows and it reflects in the classroom and on the students. How can one teach passion without demonstrating it? How can one expect engagement when she is not herself engaged? How can one set high expectations when she doesn’t hold the same for herself? In my faculty now I see a love of teaching, of subject material, of learning. I see passion and a desire to be better, to do better, to achieve more. And I see an expectation for the same in students.
And yes, I am writing this for class, and yes, I completely comprehend that this sounds like brown-nosing -- but you all know I'm nerd enough to actually love this stuff. :P
“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact.
And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act.
And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)
Kid, you'll move mountains.”
~Dr. Seuss~
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